A Blessing and a Curse

My mom always told me not to be selfish.

She told me not to be mean.

And so now I am selfless, big-hearted.

Most people will think that being like that is a blessing, but it’s really a curse in disguise.

I trust too easily,

I forgive too fast,

I love too much.

I bend over backwards for people I don’t even know.

I smile and say everything’s okay even though I’m really screaming for help on the inside.

I don’t want to bother people with my problems. There are already too many problems in the world, we don’t need another one. At least that’s what I tell myself, but on the inside, I just want someone who cares. I just want someone who asks me how I really am.

I want someone who loves me how I love them.

In my life, I’ve learned that being compassionate and selfless means people will take advantage of you. I mean, it is much easier to take advantage of someone who will do anything to please you; someone who will do anything to see you smile.

I’ve had my heart broken many times.

I’ve had people rip my heart to shreds and then put it back together just to break it again weeks later.

I’ve had my happiness stolen many times.

I’ve had people tearing that everlasting smile from my face and throwing it overboard into the salty sea of tears.

It hurts. It hurts so much. And the worst of it all is that the ones who break my heart are always the ones I love the most.

And yet I let it happen again and again and again.

I mean, right now there is a person with my heart in their hands, holding on ever so tightly. I guess I’ll just have to wait and see if they’ll care and mend for my heart’s wounds or if they’ll throw it away, leaving it to be eaten by sharks.

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